Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful.
But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.
-Paulo Coelho
I saw the word "un-due date" on another infertility blog to describe the date that she was due with her baby before her miscarriage. I had always struggled to find a simple word to call it, which is why I thought un-due date was perfect.
June 4th is my un-due date. This one has been really hard because I have three friends who all are due within a week or two of this date. So every time I would see them, or hear an update or milestone about them, I'd think, That was supposed to be me, too. I know it's not good to play the jealousy game, but sometimes it's just going to happen. And there isn't much you can do to stop it. It's just hard to sit here and remember, I would have been a mom today.
I was hoping to offset this bad news with some good news, but I have no good news to share. My recent cycle was a bust. I thought I had succeeded this time for a few reasons, but the blood test came back negative. Perhaps it was another really early loss, or perhaps there were a bunch of really weird coincidences. We'll never know. The only thing we do know for sure is that a viable pregnancy did not result from last cycle.
Today seems to be a day of threes. We've been trying for three years, three months, and three weeks, this is my third un-due date (and hopefully last), and it will be my third IUI. Yes, we are doing one more! I had a very, very generous donation from a family member to pay for the whole cost of this cycle! We're excited and nervous to do this once more. My nurse told me yesterday that most success from IUI happens between the third and the sixth one. So I'm right in that window! We're hoping it works because I don't think there will be a fourth one. At least, not anytime soon.
June 4th is my un-due date. This one has been really hard because I have three friends who all are due within a week or two of this date. So every time I would see them, or hear an update or milestone about them, I'd think, That was supposed to be me, too. I know it's not good to play the jealousy game, but sometimes it's just going to happen. And there isn't much you can do to stop it. It's just hard to sit here and remember, I would have been a mom today.
I was hoping to offset this bad news with some good news, but I have no good news to share. My recent cycle was a bust. I thought I had succeeded this time for a few reasons, but the blood test came back negative. Perhaps it was another really early loss, or perhaps there were a bunch of really weird coincidences. We'll never know. The only thing we do know for sure is that a viable pregnancy did not result from last cycle.
Today seems to be a day of threes. We've been trying for three years, three months, and three weeks, this is my third un-due date (and hopefully last), and it will be my third IUI. Yes, we are doing one more! I had a very, very generous donation from a family member to pay for the whole cost of this cycle! We're excited and nervous to do this once more. My nurse told me yesterday that most success from IUI happens between the third and the sixth one. So I'm right in that window! We're hoping it works because I don't think there will be a fourth one. At least, not anytime soon.
3 comments:
I'm so hoping this one is the lucky one for you!
p.s. I hear you on the un-due dates. I also has a friend due on the same date and she have birth about a week before. Then on the day itself I ended up having my second chemical ending. That was a bad day.
My second in-due date actually passed without notice, because I never looked it up. It was sometime in April. My third is coming up in July, and I know when that one is, because another friend is due with hers days later. She found out she was of just days after I had my last chemical. I'm choosing focus on the good that month, which will be my birthday and then my IVF.
Holy typos!
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